The ONE word that will rewire your brain
When my daughter was just starting to speak (she must have been two years of age), she would say a word “Yaada”, in her mother tongue that translated to “Who is that?”.
The first time we heard it, we would respond when the answer was a person, like a name of a guest who had come calling or a play date of hers.
In a couple of days, we realised that she was seeking more answers. Here is how the conversation played out.
We were at a park watching a few five-years old play soccer. One of the kids fell down and started crying. It appeared that he had bruised his knee. My daughter saw this.
“Yaada?”, she asked in her native tongue.
He is Sid.
“Yaada?”, she asked again.
He is Sid, N. He lives a few houses away.
“Noooo, Yaada? she persisted, this time tugging my shirt. I was carrying her.
He is crying, N. It appears that he is hurt. I said, observing if Sid was alright.
“Noooooo, Yaada? This time her little palms were forcing my face to look at her. She asked again. “Yaada”?
That is when the penny dropped.
“Yaada” was not just “Who is that”. It was a placeholder for all probing questions.
“He is hurt. See, there is a bruise in his knee”. I pointed to the bruise. There was a bit of silence. The eyes blinked a few times. Her mouth was slightly open.
I could almost hear her brain processing that link. A fall = a bruise = pain = crying.
She looked at my eyes with a slight concern in those twinkling eyes.
“He will be ok soon”.
Sid was ok soon and went back to his soccer.
N’s brain probably processed it to: A fall = a bruise = pain = crying = temporary stoppage of play.
As adults, we do not ask enough Yaada’s to get clarity. I attribute it to three reasons:
We think we know enough
Over a period of time, experience makes those neural connections and our brains figure out that proven and quickest path to a solution. The problem with these neural pathways is bias. We just do not ask enough Yaadas because we think we know enough.
We appear vulnerable
Asking questions is not easy. It may make us look vulnerable. It may make us look less good. But look at the other side. By not asking enough and by thinking we know enough, we are probably acting too quickly, we are probably solving the wrong problem or even getting chasing irrelevant data.
We are too time poor
My daughter persisted. With her limited vocabulary, she forced me to look at her. She chose to listen and observe.
“Being busy” is a proud medal in the corporate world nowadays. The accompanying baggage along with that medal are anxiety, fight and flight mode, less time to do active listening and reflection.
Being time poor forces you to rely on others and less of your experience and intuition.
It is alright to feel vulnerable. Be aware of your biases. Make the time to actively listen, probe and ask more Yaadas.
Readers: I am keen to hear from you and improve.
